I wish I had met some people a little earlier, some a little later, and some never at all.
I wish I had had the chance to speak with my friend about private family matters before his son-in-law turned his daughter into a human punching bag — and finally sent her on a journey from which there was no return.
Kai… I don’t know why people think there is nothing money cannot buy. And yet, at the end, a man who sacrifices his relationship with his children for selfish interests can look as foolish as anyone.
We sat outside the entrance of the emergency ward at Abuja hospital. The lights were harsh, glaring, and relentless. The young woman was rushed in moments later. Her neck bore deep bruises, telling a story far more tragic than anyone around us was prepared to hear. Nurses moved with urgent precision, doctors whispered under their breath, but no matter what they did, her pulse continued to fade. By the time the room fell silent, one heartbreaking truth had become impossible to ignore — a bright, promising life had been stolen long before its time.
I asked my friend quietly, almost fearing the answer: “Is that Luba… your beautiful daughter, the one who got married two years ago?”
He nodded, his face tight with regret. He blamed himself for leaving her and her husband to navigate their marriage alone.
Friends remembered her as gentle, hopeful, full of dreams — dreams she would never finish. No one suspected the storm brewing behind her quiet smile. The signs had been there: sudden distance, unexplained anxiety, moments of fear she tried to laugh off. But like so many, she believed things would get better. She believed she could face it all alone. In the end, that belief cost her everything.
Marriage is not a fairytale. It is not glittering gowns, viral proposal videos, exotic honeymoons, or artificial bom bom. It is not about fleeting passion or excitement alone. Marriage is a battlefield — one that tests patience, resilience, and emotional intelligence. Too many young women walk in with hearts full of dreams, only to be blindsided by reality. And mothers? Mothers hold the ultimate power: to arm their daughters with the wisdom to survive, thrive, and even turn potential disasters into lifelong triumphs.
Here is the truth every daughter must know: men are not mind readers. They do not automatically know what you want, feel, or need. Sulking, hinting, or giving the silent treatment is a recipe for heartbreak. If she wants attention, affection, or reassurance, she must ask — directly, gently, lovingly. A simple, cheerful, “Darling, what do you think of my new hair?” can open doors that passive resentment will only close. Communication is the lifeline of love.
Every man has an ego, and it must be handled with care. A daughter must never crush, compete with, or belittle her husband. Constant criticism erodes confidence and intimacy. Instead of saying, “You don’t know anything,” she should ask, “What do you think is the best way to handle this?” Complimenting him, respecting his strengths, offering gentle guidance — these actions preserve dignity and build partnership.
Respect matters more than love in a man’s life. Love fills a woman’s soul, but disrespect crushes a man’s spirit faster than any financial crisis. Constant criticism, insults, or public humiliation slowly destroy intimacy. Yet a simple, heartfelt acknowledgment — “I appreciate how hard you are working for this family” — can ignite loyalty and dedication in ways words alone never could.
Men express love differently. While women often measure love in words, emotion, and constant reassurance, men show it through actions: providing, protecting, solving problems, and showing up when it matters most. A man who rarely says “I love you” but wakes before dawn to work, pays bills, and keeps his family safe is speaking a language deeper than words. Misreading devotion for indifference can be fatal in marriage.
Marriage is work — unglamorous, exhausting, relentless work. The honeymoon ends, the fairy tale fades. True love reveals itself in midnight meals after long days, in hospital corridors walked hand in hand after childbirth, in sacrifices made silently, without applause. Romance is fleeting. Passion alone cannot sustain a home. True intimacy grows from respect, trust, and shared struggle.
Charm fades. Beauty changes. Money comes and goes. But character endures. A daughter must look beyond romantic gestures, flattering words, or appearances. She must value integrity, responsibility, and consistency. A man who honors his word, keeps commitments, and treats others with respect is a man who will likely honor his wife for life. Character sustains love — not charm, looks, or artificial thrills.
Conflict is inevitable, but disrespect is optional. Every marriage faces fights over money, children, in-laws, and life’s pressures. How a daughter navigates these storms — with calm, grace, and respect — defines the strength of her marriage. Shouting, threats, or insults destroy intimacy. Listening, compromising, and fighting for the relationship builds unbreakable bonds.
Marriage is partnership, not a paycheck. A husband is not a walking ATM. Financial transparency, shared responsibility, and mutual support create trust. Support is measured in effort, understanding, and shared sacrifice, not just money. A daughter who knows this builds a home rooted in fairness, teamwork, and respect.
Not every problem belongs outside the home. Private issues aired to friends, family, or social media can destroy what love struggles to build. Discretion is not secrecy; it is wisdom. What is protected survives; what is exposed often collapses.
Finally, no marriage can survive on human effort alone. Prayer, humility, and self-reflection are essential anchors. A woman who can forgive, apologize, and pray for her husband even when wronged creates a home that endures storms. Marriage is not perfection, nor passion alone, nor artificial thrills — it is two imperfect people choosing each other, every single day, despite flaws, disagreements, and exhaustion.
Mothers shape the wives their daughters will become. Teaching these truths does not promise a perfect marriage — no one can guarantee that. But it equips a woman with resilience, wisdom, and emotional intelligence. A prepared daughter enters marriage not just with dreams, but with understanding, courage, and the tools to create a lasting, extraordinary partnership.
Mogaji Wole Arisekola, Publisher of the Streetjournal Newspaper, writes from Ibadan.
