It is perfectly in order to offer one’s parents a befitting burial when they are no more, however what seems to be more rewarding, acceptable and honorable rather the fanfare during their burial would be by giving them a befitting life, because they can’t feel the love when they are already gone.
Our elders often lose both physical and/or cognitive function as they succumb to the natural process of aging. This renders them in need of guidance and assistance. Sometimes, they even need their families and caregivers to completely take over decisions or activities that they can no longer perform. In this stage of life, it can be very difficult for the elder to accept from their children the very help they so desperately need.
The dominant advise here is that children must properly show love to their parents while they are still alive. Tell them you love them and show interest in their hobbies. Plan activities together, plan a family game night or adventure. Share your stories with them and listen to theirs. Allow them to grieve their independence.
Moreover, you can even offer decision support when needed or necessary. Know your limits though, and take care of yourself so that you can in turn be properly equipped to provide the best care for your parents. Talk about your own feelings with them, ask specific questions and offer tangible assistance. Caring for aging parents can be challenging, but it can also lead to a deeper understanding of compassion, communication, and service. Making consistent use of phone conversations, video chats, and social media platforms to bridge the emotional gap will also be an added advantage.
Meanwhile, for THE CONCLAVE publisher and Editor-in-Chief, Sufuyan Ojeifo, he balanced the two, he did not only take good care of his two parents (father and mother) he equally gave them befitting burials. Records showed that his father who died some three decades back was properly cared for and he also followed the instructions of his late father who during his last moment said Sufuyan’s responsibility to his mother must never dwindle, impressively this was accordingly followed by this obedient and compassionate child no wonder God has been blessing him in all his endeavors.
However, for those who can discern, there were lots of lessons to learn from the events of Friday, November 22, 2024 when emotions flowed freely as the remains of Madam Aishetu Ojeifo were buried. The interment took place in her residence at No 2 Catholic Church Road and was presided over by a team of pastors from her local church- Gospel Faith Mission, Alaafia Assembly, Ashewa Street, Owo.
Nigerians love celebrations, especially burials. We spare no expense on what we call a ‘befitting burial’. Though the children of the deceased might be hand-in-glove with poverty, they do not mind borrowing heavily to give their departed father or mother a befitting burial.
One has heard stories of people who borrowed to bury aged parents that they never cared for in their old age. Some older people suffered, but the children were far away, leaving their sick and senior parents to the benevolence of the community, only to turn up for befitting burials after they passed.
Some say befitting burial is only ego-tripping and a waste of hard-earned money on the part of the bereaved. The dead are gone and unaware of befitting burials. They won’t share in the merrymaking, so why use them as an excuse to party? It is we, the living that are grandstanding.
Well, nobody is contending that people who have the resources and who took care of their parents should not organise decent burials with a lot to drink and eat. It is only those who hold a loud, ostentatious burial for parents they never cared for in old age, that should be called out for failing to care for their elders during their lifetime. It is a duty expected of all children and state institutions. However, the number of well-run and adequately funded care homes for elders in the country is very few and in most cases under funded.
Our senior citizens should be celebrated in their lifetimes, and we should generously care for them just like Sufuyan diligently did. It doesn’t make sense to abandon one’s aged parents only to turn around to roll out the drums for their burial. There is no justification for that. Even as the economic pinch continues, care for elders is sine qua non. The Good Book admonishes us to respect our parents, and caring for them in their old age comes under this. It is time we eschew ‘befitting burials’ for quality, comprehensive elder care corporately and individually.
No matter how successful your parents are in life, that little gift matters to them. That little attention rekindles their spirit. Making out time to see them and catching up on old times are all enjoyable and priceless moments.
Most people use work schedule as excuses, but when parents eventually pass on, they would now start making out time and plan a lavish burial. If you take them to the city for medical attention, release them at their will. Locking them up in a flat or well-built compound amounts to reducing their life span gradually because that is not their regular environment. But when they are in their own home, walk around to exchange pleasantries with people, attend village meetings, church and other activities, these things keep them busy, it suit their system well.
Today, I charge all children, both old and young, to have a role to play in their parent’s life. Christmas is here, do not buy Schnapps and send by waybill to your father or mother especially now that they are still alive. Instead go home and spend quality time with your parents. Do not show your love and loyalty at their back. The time is now, while they are alive.
Indeed Sufuyan Ojeifo did not only give his mother a befitting burial, but a befitting life and he remains a shining example every parents would be proud of in their life time. The concept of karma suggests that good deeds will be rewarded in this life or the next. Caring for parents could be seen as a way to accumulate positive karma. I wish Mr Ojeifo best of luck in life and may his own children reciprocate all the good deeds he extended to his parents too; and may Madam Aishetu Ojeifo’s soul continue to rest in perfect peace in the bosom of the Lord.
●Emmanuel Ayodele is a seasoned media practitioner, infopreneur, a writer, PR consultant, and publisher of veracitydesk.com an online magazine.
